I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
