haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
