just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
