Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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