Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Randomize
