i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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