I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
