I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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