I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
