Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
