If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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