you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
