I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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