i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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