everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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