ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Life without a bra equals bliss.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
