he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
