the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
