there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
