she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
