Heybabeimwearingurpanties
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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