What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
this hospital has no fireball
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
