sarcasm needs its own font
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
