after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Im part way to drunk.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
