i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
