he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
