Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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