I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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