so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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