My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
