i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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