hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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