Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
