you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
