The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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