i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
