this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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