When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
