Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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