Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
