I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
