So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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