I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
