Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
