I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
