she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
