look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
