There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just gift wrapped bread.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
