i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
