i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
