In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
They took my balls.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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