he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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