I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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