literally had 100 drinks last night.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
