Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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