I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
