Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
