does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
